Dear old lover,
The remains of your love still remains in my heart as I take a step ahead. Then another, leaving behind the memories of the past. Guess in a way, I am leaving you behind too. Finally moving on.
I write this knowing I’ll never post it but I need to say it anyway. Pretending that maybe you will read this somehow.
Life has shown me many colours, from grey to yellow and then sometimes purple and black. You came in my life as the colour that I had never seen before. Red. Red filled with love and red as the blood that poured from my scars. Sometimes it was bright red, like the one that crawls towards pink, spreading light around it. Other times, you were a dark, deep red that sometimes, people mistook to be black. The kind of red that drowns you in it. The one like my blood.
I am taking a step, a step back to myself. Moving on. I left my hair open the way I like them, I watched rom-coms till I fell asleep but most of all, I brought out my paints and painted a rainbow with them.
Steps, tiny little steps is all I have managed to be taking. But today it’s going to be a big step, I am going on a date. Moving on to someone new. You wouldn’t like his name but would respect the guy for who he is. I like him. And that is all you need to know about him.
As I sat in the cab my heart swirled with emotions. Nervous and a little eager to see this guy and yet sadness had some space reserved in my heart. This was me officially moving on, how could there not be some space for you here. This is me accepting that we are through. That there will never be a me and a you.
So I plug in my head phones and listen to your favourite song. Somehow I still want to keep you around, somehow hold on. It isn’t so easy to let go of your favorite things, especially people.
I think back to our first date, I was nervous beyond limits and you were way too calm. I thought you’d turn and run away. I had no faith in love or myself. Thank you for changing that.
I got off the cab and smoothen the creases on my dress. They don’t matter as much as they used to. I remembered the times you creased my dress and smile. A pair of familiar eyes smile back at me. He was there early. So I smiled back brighter.
We sat on a table and I felt stuck in the space between the end and beginnings. It was a weird feeling. As if the world was being played on fast forward and I was stuck on pause. I knew the right choice, it sat in front of me looking at the menu. Yet I looked around searching for some hope for the past to survive. The known, the happy and the safe.
There is pain and happiness. Memories and magic. I know, I love and care for you, maybe I always will. I don’t regret doing that. Maybe someday, our time will come again and we will dance between the times of past and future. But right now I am laughing and falling for someone new. I don’t know why but I hope you are okay with it too.
The memories of our past leave my mind as I let go of everything that hurts inside. I truly am moving on. As my date inches near, I hear my heart whisper a goodbye to you along with a little thank you.
It is moving on from the dead too.
The remains of your love remains in my heart but I fix my eyes on the road ahead. I am healing and growing. I am falling in love again and it isn’t for you.
I hope you fall in love with someone new. Someone who is just right for you. Someone with bright eyes and a sexy voice. Someone who truly loves you. If she doesn’t, know that lady out there always will.
Your old lover.
The period between the start of something new and the final end of what is comfortable is not easy. Time comes when you accept the reality and change your perspective.
Yet just because you both have decided it’s over, doesn’t mean your feelings will change. If it was true, most times it will always stay with you.
When was the last time you left something comfortable to try something new? Comment below and share it with us!
Liked this? Check out the last letter to his new girl.