Since this is a new blog and you all dont have any idea about me. I decided to do a post about myself! The question that popped up in my head was What is our biggest fear?
No I am not talking about the ones from spiders or heights or anything like that. I am asking about your biggest fear from life. Is it dying too early ? Not being able to live enough? Not being able to do the things you wanted to. The things you ve dreamt of? Well my biggest fear is living for too long.
Did you just go like ‘what?’ in your head? Well do let me explain. Imagine sitting by the window being 60 year old, retired from your job , having pains in the joints and fake teeth, so many friends and memories forgotten, so many dreams unfulfilled, your lovely children all grown up with families of their own. And you Feeling like a burden on them even when they tell you otherwise.
Feeling dependent on others for the stupidest things and finding yourself taking the frustration out on the love of your life. Wanting to get out and live some life but you are so wrapped up in chains and you body wouldnt even allow you to do half the things you would want to. You need to learn the art of growing old but all you want to do is stay young.
Looking back at memories you can only remember some parts. You wonder if your school friends are even alive but you don’t have the courage to contact them somehow. You start getting up but your back kills you. You try and find humour in the fact that you wanted to travel after retirement. But all you find is regret. Regret for all the things you Dint do and there you sit by the window waiting for death to take you.
That. That is exactly what I am scared of. There are a lot of things I know I’ll come in my future that I am scared of too but this is the biggest one. As a teenager that thought scares me the most. To be honest i dont think its just a teenager thing but it scares the hell out of me never the less. The thought of being dependent, of losing my self worth/my confidence , losing myself to aging and just ending up a frustrated woman slashing out on everyone. I don’t mind admitting it scares the hell out of me but We all are going to get there sometime , I know a lot of people living above the age of 60 personally. And they are pretty happy seeing their kids and grandchildren but even the thought of just being dependent on others for me to be happy, forgetting they will want to make the same mistakes as me is just fearful. Well this is my biggest fear from the future, what would be yours? Do tell me! I am curious as hell!